TimeOut

The world-famous Mayo clinic says:

"You don't need to feel miserable while you're toughing it out. Drink plenty of fluids. Try chicken soup (or Jack Daniels). Rest as much as you can. Use saline nasal spray to relieve stuffiness. Gargle with warm salt water to soothe a sore throat. Turn on a humidifier (or take a long hot shower). To prevent spreading your cold to others, wash your hands often (or dip in alcohol)."

Ok,  I should be doing all these things, and until I stop sniffling, I am not allowed to do 5-6 hour runs across the state. Thus, this episode must be local.

Perhaps you have heard of "Adult Coloring Books" (a new publishing craze, to relieve stress). Thinking that maybe this would help me get well, I decided to get out my can of permanent markers and add some details under the hood, where FCA failed to clearly highlight important safety information.

Then I wandered around the outside of the White Van checking out its features.

Here's the view under the front, looking back.

 

Here's from the back, looking forward.

 

At this point, I made a critical mistake. Focused on the job, White Van Man was spotted by the ladies having a luncheon party across the street. 

"Yoo hoo! What are you doing?"

I'm sure you will sympathize with the sinking feeling I had as several of them sauntered over to add their observations  ask my feelings about their friend's new birthday nail job with octopus and nautical theme. Groan.

 

That ordeal over with, I got back to the inside of the White Van. Generally it's fine. I don't like the seat / console relationship. Each seat is about an inch too close to the centerline of the vehicle (relationship set by a smaller vehicle?) There's a big gap to the door armrest, and not enough space in the center. It looks tight when empty:

Add the typical White Man accoutrements and it's a mess. The brake handle interferes with your drink, there's no room for receipts, the multiple power outlets resulting in tangled cords, etc.

In any cargo vehicle, dome lights are handy. But these are too complex. There are 5 in this stripped van, and each has its own control which is subsequently overridden by this set of master switches. And they all turn off after 15 minutes. It means you have to read the manual just to be sure you haven't blown anything up...

The side mirrors are great. I like the fact that the lower segment provides a much wider angle view than the upper, so you have no blind spots. They are manually adjusted (get a helper).

The instrument cluster is too far away, and the gauges are ridiculously small and cluttered and dark. The steering wheel is nice to hold, and it tilts and telescopes manually. But from a White Van Man's perspective, the big flaw is the black shiny surface surrounding the air bag. It is NOT the horn ring, it's a hard, immovable object upon which you pound futilely, bruising your palm, as you are trying to warn off another driver. The horn sounds only when you pound on the airbag, which is a tactical mistake. I don't want to set it off accidentally!

As far as the instrument cluster goes, why a 140 mph speedo in a White Van? How about 0-100 and wider spacing of the marks! OK, close up it looks reasonable, but from the driving position it's unreadable.

The radio works well enough with a cable connection to the iPhone. White Van Man music on the player, of course ... coming through nice large speakers high on the doors and tweeters in the windshield pillars.

There is no spare. The inflator kit is under the passenger seat, with your extra pens, gum wrappers, etc.

The door latches all seem mighty complex, and are remotely operated by a bicycle cable.

"Hey, we found the lowest-priced vehicle on the market, bought a bunch and here's one for you - even with your credit we can get you approved for a loan. Have a nice 100,000 miles and we'll see you in a couple years." 



There is plenty of competition in this segment. In the US, the M-B Metris is new, although Europe has had it for years.

 

The Nissan NV200, here in Chevy's cloned version. Smaller and not so nice as the RAM City White Van. But I've got to get one of those nice ladder racks!



Finally, down at the beach I find a family portrait - an old Dodge Hippie van, the new Sprinter, and the White Van.

From this angle I can show you the full-size RAM tow truck (and an irritating woman in a gray Acura flirting with the Sprinter driver and ruining my photo).

I wasn't in my Van, so I couldn't honk, but I wanted to...  

Cazalea