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When you do get the watch

By: hewitgar : February 7th, 2012-13:18

It will require some planning and vicious aforethought before you post back here. Believe me, you are going to have to 'go to town' on that one.

Nothing short of, well, I think we should begin a list,

Champagne. Not just any champagne. I want to know the grapes, the vintage, the manufacturing process and the name of the head taster of the house. Date of inauguration of the 'house', acreage (hectares under vine acceptable, if a little 'metric'). Yield appreciated. Name of second wine could be useful, and if they make a rose. Date of outbreak of last rainfall in a picking season not required.

Truffles. Not just any truffles. We deserve the finest Italian, dug up by a named pig, and named handler. The name of the nearest town and the species of tree predominant in the wood/forest. And the Latin name at least. If using dogs, we want to know the position in the litter, and the name of the bitch and a comprehensive Pedigree chart with sires and average litter size and fertility rates.

Pillows. Soft fluffy pillows. Sporting the finest Siberian Goose down / Duck down. Again, Latin names please. Please detail the cotton rating for the pillow cases, and do not scrape here. Egyptian of course, high thread count scores extra points. Silk too racy and not recommended.

Caviar. A big tin.

Chocolate. Swiss and some Belgian for good measure. No Mars bars. Need I say more. OK, I need to say ,ore. No M&Ms, Hershey's, blah .

A car. Not a fancy Ferrari, a lower key model, let's say a Bristol, or at a stretch a Maybach. Old world charm, and the chassis number of course will be de rigour. Date of last service and mileage in the clock at that time. Tyre thread, average across 66% of the surface required. Brand of the rubber and country of origin, tree or oil derived.

Peacocks. We want peacocks strutting their stuff in the background. And food.

We feel a little known, but up and coming nonetheless, Californaian new age, fusion with a kick of Latin back street gritty member of the Roux family will do it. Wearing a bandana, silk. Persian or Turkish origin, with agricultural motifs, fashioned in an iconic but traditional pattern.

Music, bien sur, and a professional approach to the ambient lighting.

Cigars, optional. If used however, full disclosure of source. Dominican Republic not good enough.

And girls....

If you just show the watch, however, fine by me.

Gary H

This message has been edited by hewitgar on 2012-02-07 13:20:48 This message has been edited by hewitgar on 2012-02-07 13:23:33

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Unbelievably hilarious, Gary!

By: Gary G : February 7th, 2012-13:49

...not to mention a bit close to home in a couple of categories (the pillows, for instance ).

While you have done a fine job in setting out most categories, I was a bit disappointed by your willingness to allow for indeterminate provenance on the caviar. What is the world coming to, after all!

The cigars, of course, will be Cohibas -- you can say a lot of things about Castro, but he does know cigars.

I will endeavor immediately to dump my ostentatious car in favor of a more restrained vehicle, as you suggest -- seems about time, anyway.

I already ate my bar of Greubel-Forsey chocolate, so perhaps I will look up the chap who makes the absinthe-filled truffles for Kari -- always delicious, and with a horological connection! Or for a local flavor (pun intended), the lovely chocolates made in Napa Valley by Woodhouse -- if you haven't had 'em, I do recommend them strongly.

As for the champagne, Krug or nothing. Drank my most recent bottle of Clos de Mesnil about a year ago, so may have to settle for a more pedestrian selection. You didn't mention Port -- for Christmas this year my wife gifted me with not one, but two bottles of 1955 Taylor Fladgate -- my birth year and a cracking year for Oporto as well. Will need to invite a few friends to open one of those, however!

And then there's the matter of what to wear: Brioni baby cashmere blazer, Kiton suit, or a more casual look with the Loro Piana Vicuna pullover? As always, custom-made Charvet dress shirt, of course.

Decisions, decisions...

Or, as you say, I could just take a few snaps of the watch

Yours pretentiously,

Gary G

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