Jocke - Bad Santa
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A farmer
A farmer stands and looks after a large flock of sheep grazing in the field.
Then suddenly a brand new BMW 7 Series arrives on the road below.
A guy in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, with Ray Ban sunglasses and one
YSL tie sticks its head out of the car and shouts to the farmer:
- If I can figure
out how many sheep you have on the pasture, I can take it with me
one of the sheep then?
The farmer looks at the guy and at the scattered flock of
sheep and answers:
- That is fine by me!
The guy drives the BMW to the farmer and takes out a Dell Notebook like him
opens on the hood. With the
help of Apples latest 5G phone, he connects
against a NASA site on the Internet.
He contacts a GPS satellite navigation system, retrieves the exact
one
position and feeds it into another Nasa satellite which scans
grazing area with an ultra-high-resolution camera.
Then he opens the digital image
in Adobe Photoshop and exports it
to another place on the Internet: Image Processing Facility in Hamburg. Within
in a few seconds he will receive an
e-mail reply in return in his iPhone, where it says:
Picture processed and data stored.
Then he logs in to an MS-SQL database via ODBC and connects
an Excel
documents with several hundred advanced formulas. When this is done, he drives
all data through the email to a Xircom and in an instant he
gets a response.
Finally, he prints a 150-page 4-color report on his
miniaty-hitech-HP Coulor LaserJet and casts an eye on the last page:
- You have
exactly 1586 animals, he says.
That's right, says the farmer so you can bring one of the sheep. So he looks
on when the guy walks around to pick out
one of the sheep he works hard with
to get down in the boot of the BMW.
Then the farmer says:
- You, if I can say exactly what you work with, I can then
get back
the sheep?
The guy thinks about this for a while and says it's OK.
- You are a consultant, says the farmer.
- That's right, says the guy! How did
you know that?
- No problem. You came here without anyone asking you, so would you
have paid for something I already knew, on a question I did not
ask!
Also, you have no idea how this industry works!
You, please open the trunk and give my dog back.
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